Erin Chaplin
A model interviewed for a Ralph section called ‘Girl Next Door’. God, at least that gave you an angle.
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Who actually lives next door to you?
No-one. I live on a property 10 minutes out of the nearest town. But every girl can be a girl next door.
You’ve got to be the right type.
You mean am I sweet with pigtails? Sometimes. I’m the girl next door and a little bit more.
Sounds good. What are you doing with your life?
I’ve been working since I finished school – saving up money to go traveling overseas. I’m moving to England.
For how long?
Indefinitely. I’m going to give it six months. I bought a video camera the other day. Oh – now I know what you’re thinking…
I seem to have missed my cue.
“We bought a video camera the other day and have already made a couple of movies.”
I was just thinking how sweet it was that you’re recording memories of your friends. Turns out you’ve been making pornos.
(Laughs)
With the boy next door. He didn’t see that coming.
(Laughter) Slumber party! Come over!
How many naughty movies have you knocked out, then?
No! None!
I’m just trying to put words in your mouth.
You are, aren’t you? You want me to say, “I’ve made pornography.”
…said Erin, 18.
No! I have been asked, though.
Aha. Who asked?
Who hasn’t asked me?
I bet the bloke at the newsagent hasn’t.
It was one of my friends.
Part of a bad crowd you hang with?
No, he was over the other night and I was just filming him…
Uh-huh.
And he said, “Put it up there and we’ll make a movie.”
Uh-huh.
And I said no! (Laughs)
What modelling stuff have you left us to remember you by?
I’ve been on a couple of TV commercials. The latest one was Fanta – the one with 50 or 60 girls swimming in a pool with bikinis on.
Ah, that one. A fine advert.
Yeah, a few bikinis fell off.
That wasn’t in the ad.
We had to jump in the pool off this big platform. I jumped in and my top came off. I just laughed about it.
Did you get a round of applause?
I did, actually. “Encore!” I like acting as well. I’ve been in a few short films.
What sort of parts were they?
A computer gamer, and in the last one I was one of two bitchy schoolgirls. The film was about this girl and her mum was a lesbian.
Ah, one of those films.
(Laughs) No!
You’ve been a bitch and a computer gamer. Which one did you like best?
I like making people cry.
You like evil roles?
I like playing scary characters.
People can look at your innocent shower pics and think, “But she secretly wants to be a psychopath”.
(Laughs) She secretly wants to be a psychopath!
And she likes making people cry. Where has this come from?
Um, I just like communicating with people.
Until they cry.
No, I just like making them feel… like, touching them on a different level.
A more depressed level.
I’d like to be in a movie. There was an Angelina Jolie one where she was very manipulative.
Can you be that kind of person sometimes?
Possibly.
Hmm. Are you manipulating me now?
Maybe.
I feel manipulated. Are you in a relationship?
Depends who’s asking.
Oh dear.
(Laughs) And what kind of car you drive.
Christ.
If someone you don’t fancy comes up and asks if you have a boyfriend, you say you have one, even though you don’t, don’t you?
I don’t know what to think. You’re spinning a web of terror. When was the last time you used your sex-appeal to enslave men?
Last night.
What did you want out of it?
I wanted a drink. I got a nice bottle of Smirnoff Ice.
Outrageous.
Well – if you’re gonna do it, do it properly.
Who was the poor dude who bought you that?
One of my guy friends.
Who actually wants to have sex with you.
Yes. He bought my friend one as well. Maybe he wanted both of us.
I’m sure he did.
But girls are always one step ahead.
How did you feel about the shoot?
It was crazy – really exciting.
What were you thinking about?
That it would be nice if someone was in here to wash my back.
Do you like combined washing routines?
Yeah, a shower – or a nice spa with candles and incense. I just bought a massage book, as well.
Who’s your lucky test-subject?
Actually, the first person I gave a massage to was one of my best friends, Trudy.
Great. Girls massaging other girls is great.
Of course.
Describe Trudy.
She’s gorgeous. And blonde.
How long did you massage a gorgeous blonde for?
Two hours. I enjoy it.
Do you give guy friends massages too?
Depends how lucky they are.
Does it ever lead to sex?
It does. It’s a good build-up.
But not with Trudy…
No, not with Trudy. Just one special guy. But that’s finished now because I’m going overseas.
If you were in Big Brother, would you shower with your undies on?
I feel more sexy in underwear, so I’d keep it on.
Not very practical.
It keeps things interesting.
What about all the soap?
I’m sure I’d be able to work my way around it.
You’d have soapy knickers.
That’s a bit of fun.
Not when they dry off all soapy.
No – you’d chuck them in the washing machine and put on a new pair.
What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you in bed?
I woke up one night at my friend’s house, being eaten alive by mosquitoes. My friend had put moisturising cream by the bed. I was feeling around and found this bottle. I squirted it into my hands and rubbed it all over me. I woke up in the morning with brown and orange streaks all over me. It was tanning lotion.
Quality. How long does it last?
About a week.
What’s the best thing you’ve bought to help your sex-life?
My boy was a big enough toy. I’ve got glow-in-the-dark lubricant, though.
Do you smear it all over and go and scare the neighbours?
(Laughs) Yeah. “There’s an alien at the window!”
Can you get different colours?
I think it’s just green.
Tell me something in life that just isn’t fair.
That there are no never-ending packets of Tim-Tams that also keep you slim.
Life isn’t fair, is it?
No.
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