Kristie Lein

Another model gets the silly question treatment. No layout, sadly. Done for Ralph magazine in about 2003.

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What do you get up to when you’re not hanging around chains in your undies?

I’m just finishing Year 12. I did half of Year 11 down in Melbourne and then was offered the chance to go to Milan. I spent four months in Milan modelling and travelling…

Sounds terrible for any schoolkid.

(Laughs) Oh it was. It was horrible. No, it was great – I was only 16 and it really opened my eyes.

I bet. A 16-year-old in Milan, surrounded by really nice Italian guys who wanted to do everything for you.

Yeah, they wanted to do everything for me, but I didn’t want them to do anything for me. If you know what I mean.

Maybe.

But I’ve got a boyfriend, with whom I’ve been going out for two years.

Oh dear. What are you going to do after school?

I hope to go to uni and maybe go into journalism. If I don’t get into journalism I’d like to be on Getaway. That’s probably my ultimate job.

You want to be the one coming out of the surf saying, “Here we are in some paradise again”.

Yep. Just travelling around and working and getting paid for it.

There must be… what was that noise?

(Laughing) Sorry. I just took a big drink.

It sounded really strange.

That’s cos it just splashed back up in my face. Sorry about that.

You sounded like a water cooler. Anyway, let’s talk about the photo shoot. You were in a club that had chains…

Yeah, it had chains coming down from the roof. And I’m just sort of, um, standing holding them…

Being a sex-goddess.

Something like that, yes.

How easy is it to transform yourself into a sex-goddess?

Oh, it’s pretty easy.

I never found it that easy.

(Laughs) It’s pretty full-on, isn’t it?

Are you thinking, “I am the Goddess of Love” while the camera’s clicking?

I don’t know…

You’re thinking about the shopping, aren’t you?

No, just thinking about getting a good shot.

Is there any chance you’d go any further?

I wouldn’t do fully nude. Unless I got paid pretty well. But shots with no top – that’s OK. It would have to be tasteful.

Tell me a strange-but-true story about yourself.

I entered a mud-wrestling competition.

Hooray!

I won $1200.

Tell me about it and leave nothing out.

I was at the drags with my boyfriend and his friends. I wasn’t intending to enter the competition, but we went to watch it, and my boyfriend was, like, “you should enter.”

Go on.

There were 10 girls up on stage and we all had to wrestle each other…

Great. What then?

… and I got to the final. I was up against a security guard.

Was she like something out of Prisoner?

She was in charge of drags security, I think.

So it was just a massive lesbian and you?

(Laughs) Pretty much, yeah.

What do you need to be a good mud-wrestler?

Agility. I’m not that strong, so I was weaving in and out.

Was there name calling?

Yeah.

How many watching?

Oh, hundreds.

And how many of them were men?

About 99 per cent. But hey – I got $1200. So I was pretty happy.

Did you think you had a career as a mud-wrestler in front of you?

I was thinking about it. It nearly pays as well as modelling.

You sound like you’re up for a challenge.

Oh yeah, I like to think that when I’m 70 I’ll look back and know I actually went for it.

You’ll still be mud-wrestling at 70.

I bloody hope so.

It’s just that no-one will be watching.

(Laughs) Oh, gravity.

What celebrity would make a good lover?

Um, Rove.

What a horrible thought.

He’s funny. Funny men can be sexy.

What’s the best part of your body?

Probably my stomach. It never puts on weight. Even if I haven’t been to the gym for six months I’ve still got a slight six-pack going on.

What’s more important, sex or politics?

I wouldn’t have a clue about politics. I’ll go for sex.

But would you ever sleep with a communist?

No.

What’s the one thing you can be sure of with men?

They get into weird mood swings now and then.

Crikey.

Well, girls get into weird moods at that time of the month…

They don’t, do they?

But I think men do the same. They just don’t have an excuse to back it up.

Men have a time of the month?

Yeah.

What do they do?

Don’t feel like talking… really distant…

That’s women, you mean.

Men do it too.

What’s the key to good sex?

You have to be attracted to each other…

Is it dressing up as Batman and Robin?

No…

Saying rude words?

Acting more sensual and romantic than chains and handcuffs and all the rest.

That can be romantic.

Maybe the handcuffs – if you approach it the right way.

So, to recap, the key to good sex is chains and handcuffs.

No!

Finish this sentence: “The best sex I ever had… ”

Er… was two nights ago?

Really?

No, not really.

That’s one in the boyfriend’s eye.

(Laughs). I really couldn’t tell you. It’s always good.

If you wear a low-cut top are blokes allowed to look at your breasts?

If it’s just a quick glance, then it’s OK.

Genetically, men have to look.

Yeah, I’ve got to feel for them in a way.

Poor us.

I understand. If you don’t want men looking at you, don’t wear revealing stuff.

What’s the sexiest thing you wear to bed?

Um… a nightie (laughs).

What, a big nana’s one?

No, the pink one with teddy bears.

Bet you wear curlers as well.

(Sexy voice) Sometimes.

Would you rather kiss a beautiful girl or an ugly guy?

Oh no.

Pretend it’s an audition for Getaway. Here’s a fat sweaty bloke and a supermodel to kiss.

(Silence) I’ll go the fat, sweaty, ugly bloke.

That’s the wrong answer! No Getaway for you.

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